I just got a new Dad today. He’s much better than my old Dad.
My old Dad was boring. He never taught me how to lengthen legs and speak in tongues like my new God Dad did. I am a child of daddy and I am no longer my old Dad’s kid.
My old Dad would fart a lot and his feet would smell. Not my new God Dad. My new God Dad smells great and teaches me how to smell great just like him. I am thankful for my new bacon-scented God Dad.
Do you have a Dad who doesn’t let you eat candy after bedtime? Not my God Dad. I can eat all the candy I want because I am self-important and I have to love myself before I can love anybody else.
Is your Dad poor? Not my God Dad. He makes me feel like I am better than you (because I am) and he makes it snow golddust at the worship center every Sunday.
I have the richest and best smelling and super cool miracle performing Dad a kid could ask for. Thanks for being the best God Dad ever.
Written by Joey Mersch