Charismatic Changes Theology to Match Personal Experience

Charismatic Changes Theology to Match Personal Experience

Eric Johnston, a self-proclaimed apostle, had a eureka moment his carefully studied Biblical theology was all wrong. “There I was preaching that Christians could be oppressed, regressed, depressed, and obsessed by demons but could not be possessed because an evil spirit could not indwell the same body as the Holy Spirit. Then suddenly one of my elders crawled up the stage like a spider. His head spun around, and he said, “I am the walrus.”

That’s when Apostle Eric knew his theology was wrong. “The Bible must be mistaken because my personal experience clearly showed that a man I’ve known for years to be a good Christian is demon possessed.”

After this unnamed elder announced himself as the walrus, he stuck his feet in his mouth and rolled off the stage. Since then, he has proven to the apostle another assumed doctrine to be incorrect. “The demon that possessed his body is clearly not evil,” Apostle Eric claimed. “He sings Beatles songs and entertains the children with his impersonations of Disney characters. He’s been so delightful, we decided against exorcising the demon.”

The elder’s demon has been a success for the congregation, which has grown from a measly 500 members to over a thousand in just a couple of weeks. “He’s like the benevolent uncle I’ve always wanted. He’s promised to give me the largest church in America. All I have to do is bow down to him. Clearly God is blessing me, and it all started because I was willing to step out in faith and abandon my theology for personal experience.”

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