Doctor Figures Out What's Wrong With You People

Doctor Figures Out What's Wrong With You People

During the Q&A panel of five pastors in the 2014 National Conference, where nobody seemed to be listening, R.C. Sproul Sr. outrageously bellowed without any warning or perceived reason, “What’s wrong with you people?”

It was a move which was out of character, in poor taste, and lacking any meaningful tact. Dr. Sproul never issued an apology, and it’s not even certain that anybody remembers why he said it. Utterly alarmed at Dr. Sproul’s outburst, his fellow elders pleaded with him to go and see a doctor for a final analysis. In total disbelief, he shouted again, “What’s wrong with you people?”

After a more gentle coaxing, Dr. Sproul reluctantly acquiesced to their request. On the doctor’s table, he explained exactly what he recollected from the conference. After the physician deliberately thought about the symptoms and their cause, he was at a loss for a reliable diagnosis. Then on the way out of the office, the doctor felt he needed to get an answer to a theological conundrum he could not put away from his mind. “Since God is patient and slow to anger, then why, when man first sinned, was his wrath and punishment so severe and long lasting?”

Dr. Sproul shouted again, “What’s wrong with you people?”

His doctor realized what the problem had been all along. “Dr. Sproul, I don’t know how to break this to you gently, so I’ll just say it. You have a rare condition known as Heresy Intoleration Disorder (H.I.D.). I can write you a prescription so that your sermons can start sounding like Joel Osteen, Stephen Furtick, or T.D. Jakes. That should level out the chemicals in your brain so you can stop offending people with the truth. What do you say?”

In a rage, R.C. shouted again after explaining the state of man before the fall and asserting the ineffable perfections of the Holy Creator of the universe in light of the infinitely disgusting act of disobedience that was expressed at the fall, “What’s wrong with you people? I’m serious. This is what’s wrong with the church today. We don’t know who God is. And we don’t know who we are.” The doctor never wrote R.C. a prescription, and the modern church still has no idea what came over Dr. Sproul during the Q&A section of the 2014 National Conference and may unfortunately never figure it out.

Written by Joey Mersch

*To hear about what really happened at the 2014 National Conference, just watch the link below*

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