Just outside the graveyard where one of the world’s most beloved public figures is buried, several religious figures have gathered. Instead of gathering to pay their respects to the celebrity who has never claimed a religion, they have declared an all-out war. What is more is that this celebrity wasn’t human. She was, in fact, a cat.
Benjamin Russell, a representative for the LDS church, punched a Bethelite, who is there to suck Grumpy Cat’s soul from her grave. The Bethelite stumbled backwards into Father Sarducci, a Roman Catholic priest who was there to pronounce Grumpy Cat as a saint. Sarducci, who grew up on the streets in the Bronx, put the Bethelite in a chokehold and pounded his face.
Matthew Wagner from the New Apostolic Reformation claimed to receive a direct revelation from Jesus Christ and was there to resurrect the famous cat. Jumping into the brawl, he hit Sarducci over the head with a chair in WWE fashion. Sarducci lost his grip on the grave sucker and plowed into Wagner.
However, there was one group present that did not wish to claim Grumpy Cat. Members of Westboro Baptist Church held protest signs, condemning the cat to hell for being loved by homosexuals and other reprobates like U.S. soldiers and Mormons.